Best LOL Ever?

Course, you would never get 6 firemen and one fire engine in a village as small as Trumpton these days. It would be all be outsourced and they would not arrive till the house had burned down.

Cynical? Moi?

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

QotD: Lunch Date

nobody@vox.com(Bookmole) — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 12:18:25 +0100

Out of anyone in your address book, with whom would you most like to have lunch today?

My current address book? Kay.

My old address book? Penny. Bit hard though, as she now lives and practices in Canada. But I miss her.

Hello Penny!

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

Snappy Comebacks to the Question "Why Aren't You Married Yet?"

nobody@vox.com(Bookmole) — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 20:10:26 +0100

You haven't asked yet.
I was hoping to do something meaningful with my life.
What? And spoil my great sex life?
Nobody would believe me in white.
Because I just love hearing this question.
Just lucky, I guess.
It gives my mother something to live for.
My fiance is awaiting his parole.
I'm still hoping for a shot at Miss America.
I'm waiting until I get to be your age.
I already have enough laundry to do, thank you.
Because I think it would take all the spontaneity out of dating.
They just opened a great new singles bar on my block.
I guess it just goes to prove that you can't trust those voodoo rituals.
What? And lose all the money I have invested in running personal ads ?
We really want to, but my lover's spouse just won't go for it.
I don't want to have to support another person on my paycheck.
Why aren't you thin?
I'm married to my career, although recently we have been in a trial separation.
(Bonus reply for single mothers) Because having a husband and a child would be redundant.

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

Shipbuilding

nobody@vox.com(Bookmole) — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 15:22:33 +0100

ReaetMisery's post about the pure grade LSD she was getting in her wild and younger days reminded me of this.

I only dropped acid once. At Glastonbury it was almost de rigeur. Even though I decided never to do it again it was fun!

Highlights:
The Steam Sandwich - one bite and I was in heaven, the next bite was chewy, the third was bye bye sammich
The Girls and the Blue Duck Puppet - they could not, try as they might, get this puppet to co-operate. We were in stitches, and they just kept giggling. We actually bought the same puppet later, and it was a really crap, impossible to puppet puppet.
Making Love - in a shared tent. Not with anyone else there, thankfully, as lots of noise was made. The funniest thing - realising, as we flopped apart post-orgamically glowing, the song was I'm So Miserable Now by The Smiths. Because we both hated The Smiths and were so not miserable. Most embarrassing - walking out of the tent, still glowing, to realise we had put on a grand performance to all our mates.
Listening to Elvis Costello - he played Shipbuilding, it was lightly raining, and that sax went on for ever. Years, possibly.

Glastonbury was good for drug takers - very safe, with lots and lots of other people doing just the same thing!

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

You Can't Fix Stupid

nobody@vox.com(Bookmole) — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 16:06:35 +0100

I am currently selling much of my CD collection on Amazon. Mainly because you don't get charged until the item sells, unlike eBay, and the listing is active for 90 days.

However, I have noticed a worrying thing. People selling CDs (and books) for 1 penny.

First Amazon charge the buyer postage - £1.24
Then Amazon charge fees - £0.99
And then Amazon have to charge VAT - £0.15

So, for this CD that you just sold for 1p, you will receive 11p.

The Stupid bit? Post. Gonna cost at least 40p to post.

So, whenever you buy a CD for 1p from an Amazon seller, have a little chuckle - you just cost them money!

You get more leeway with books - the post credit for that is £2.75, so you can still make a profit on that, providing you are just selling stuff you would be taking to the charity shop.

Oh - I am the-real-bookmole on Amazon, should you wanna go see what I am getting rid of!

Edited to add - OK. I did some checking, because I just could not believe so many people were so stupid (don't know why I thought that, mind) and discovered that, if you are a Pro seller, you get more from each sale. You pay £30, just under, a month, and then lost the 86p per item fee - so that CD you sold for 1p actually becomes 97p in your pocket. So, should you sell lots of CDs then you get more.

Bloody big business spoiling it for the little person again, that's what I say!

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

5 Word Challenge - The Carpet Decides

nobody@vox.com(Bookmole) — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 09:16:42 +0100

About this Group

5 word challenge (public group)

This is how it works: you get 5 words and with these 5 words you have to write an entry. The words might or might not be related. You decide how to combine them, and how long your entry will be. You tag your entry with 5wordchallenge and whatever other tags you like. Finally, you put the words in bold.

This week's challenge: carpet, jury, pasta, shapeless, whey

In about one week, we'll move on to the next challenge.

Cleaning the carpet after our last argument (the one where I tipped the pasta, in lovely red sauce, into your lap, and you retaliated by upending the red wine over my head) I wondered why I bothered.

This shapeless love we share. Is it worth the rest? Sometimes it feels as though our love is a cheese - you are the curds, and I am the whey. Or is that the other whey round!

Even in my head, I groan at that one.

The jury remains out on should I go or should I stay - all I know is I don’t want to be cleaning any more bloody carpets!

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

A Life for Sale - on eBay

nobody@vox.com(Bookmole) — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 16:40:48 +0100

Go here for the opportunity to buy a life. Really.

Ian Usher intends to sell his life on eBay. The auction started today, and it appears that his life is worth a great deal. When the auction is finished, he is going to walk out of his house with his passport in his pocket, and no idea of where he is going.

Somehow, I envy him.

Good luck, mate.

Shit, I just added the word evny to the FireFox dictionary - anyone know how I can delete it?

Read and post comments | Send to a friend