27 posts tagged “fun”
I have seen this round the interwebs, but never actually watched it till this morning. Feast your eyes on this, if you have not seen it already, and just marvel at humanity and it's capacity for FUN!
Thanks, Zotta!
The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"
Neighbors feared him. They believed he practiced black magic because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighborhood. The old man liked the fact that he was feared.
To everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 68. His wife had a closed casket at the wake. After the burial, she went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow.
Her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way up and out of the grave and come back to haunt you for the rest of your life?"
The wife put down her drink and said, "Let the old bastard dig. I had him buried upside down......."
But hey - Christmas only comes once a year.
I like chemistry now. Hated it at school - and we were allowed to blow things up, set light to them and do shit my kids were not allowed to do. I can see why - some of that shit was dangerous. But hey, it was also fun! But I could not get to grips with the actual chemistry bit (why some elements had weak bonds, while others grabbed electrons from anywhere to make another whole new thing) so I just gave up.
If there had only been YouTube and The Periodic Table of Elements back then, I might have been a chemist now. Or blown up.
I expect there are a lot of teachers out there showing this in their chemistry lessons.
Now look here, kids. I know you can't actually do these spiffing experiments, but let's watch a mad scientist and a nerd do them. OK?
So, should your inner nerd need some nourishment (mine needs feeding quite often!) pop along to The Periodic Table of Elements YouTube Page, maybe subscribe to their channel and watch two nutters in love with what they are doing.
Stolen from Miss Cellania, best site on the web for jokes and good old-fashioned fun. This is only a small selection of the list she posted, so if you want more, get your fingers clicking and mosey on over to her blog.
Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.
What are the two things women should never do in bed with their husbands?
Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.
In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say, "I love you"?
Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
In a survey of teenage mothers, most of them said they were listening to this when they got pregnant. What is it?
Paul Lynde: A pack of lies.
A penny saved is a government oversight.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
He who hesitates is probably right.
Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are ‘ XL.’
If you think there is good in everybody, you haven’t met everybody.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
The sole purpose of a child’s middle name is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble..
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words ‘The’ and ‘IRS’ together it spells ‘Theirs.’
Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know ‘why’ I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. It’s worse when you forget to pull it down.
Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it’s called golf…
PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of.
WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes.
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering an automobile upward off of a trapped hydraulic jack handle.
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the tensile strength on everything you forgot to disconnect.
CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large prybar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.
TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids and for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts which were last over tightened 50 years ago by someone at Ford, and neatly rounds off their heads.
PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses too short.
HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.
MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also the next tool that you will need.
EXPLETIVE: A balm, also referred to as mechanic's lube, usually applied verbally in hindsight, which somehow eases those pains and indignities following our every deficiency in foresight.
Probably NSFW, though it does depend on your co-workers sense of humour - I was rolling on the floor pissing myself at this one.
If you like it, he has a whole series of Grey Man animations on the web site - so far I have watched Gym Membership and Jesus Loves You, and they are both excellent.
A good way to while away some spare (or even not so spare) time.