53 posts tagged “hahaha”

1. You haven't asked yet.
2. I was hoping to do something meaningful with my life.
3. What? And spoil my great sex life?
4. Nobody would believe me in white.
5. Because I just love hearing this question.
6. Just lucky, I guess.
7. It gives my mother something to live for.
8. My fiance is awaiting his parole.
9. I'm still hoping for a shot at Miss America.
10. I'm waiting until I get to be your age.
11. I already have enough laundry to do, thank you.
12. Because I think it would take all the spontaneity out of dating.
13. They just opened a great new singles bar on my block.
14. I guess it just goes to prove that you can't trust those voodoo rituals.
15. What? And lose all the money I have invested in running personal ads ?
16. We really want to, but my lover's spouse just won't go for it.
17. I don't want to have to support another person on my paycheck.
18. Why aren't you thin?
19. I'm married to my career, although recently we have been in a trial separation.
20. (Bonus reply for single mothers) Because having a husband and a child would be redundant.

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive blonde woman from South Alabama arrived and bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.

She said, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless.”

With that, she stripped to the waist; rolled the dice; and yelled, “Come on, baby….Southern Girl needs new clothes!”

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up-and-down….and squealed… “YES! YES! I WON! I WON!”

She hugged each of the dealers…and then picked up her many chips and her clothes, and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, “What did she roll?”

The other answered, “ I don’t know.. I thought you were watching.”

Moral -

Not all Southerners are stupid.
Not all blondes are dumb.
But all men…..are men.

Dorothy and Edna, two ’senior’ widows, are talking.

Dorothy: ‘That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer.’

Edna: ‘Well, I’ll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7 P.M., dressed like a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brings me beautiful flowers! Then he takes me downstairs and there’s a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he takes me out for dinner… a marvellous dinner… lobster, champagne, dessert, and after-dinner drinks. Then we go see a show. Let me tell you, Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure! So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL.  Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me two times!’

Dorothy: ‘Goodness gracious!… so you are telling me I shouldn’t go out with him?’

Edna: ‘No, no, no… I’m just saying, wear an old dress.’

Feeling fragile and hungover after two (yes, two) mammoth drinking sessions in two days (take it from me, yes us older people can drink teenagers under the table, but they recover lots, lots quicker!), so I am surfing the net. 

Found this little gem via the BBC: